Vishal was lonely. Really really lonely. Mona, his wife of 6 years, had walked out on him last month. Their divorce was almost final - just a couple of signatures and a bit more than a couple of bucks to the lawyer – and he would be single again.

Truth be told, Vishal was secretly glad she walked out. Let’s rephrase that – he was elated! He'd fantasized about that moment for a long time, but could never muster up the courage to end the marriage. And then there was the desi family pressure to make it work. Of course his parents in India felt guilty for shortlisting Mona for him. No doubt their guilt was compounded by the dowry they had greedily extracted from her parents. 

Plopped on his couch in front of inane late night TV, he was lost in his thoughts. Sure she cleaned him out; grabbed the car, seized the house and stole his pride - but he knew it was worth it. No more fights, no more nagging and no more screaming. Notwithstanding the relief, Vishal was still lonely. They had had some good moments, although few and far in between. The sex had been decent. The nights in an empty bed felt especially solitary.

Beer in hand, Vishal had almost drifted off when the cheesy late night commercial caught his eye. It was an ad for a human size rubber doll. Of course they meant it as a sex toy, but Vishal saw possibilities. He was nothing if not an out-of-the-box thinker. With a sudden alacrity belying his drunken stupor, he swung into action. The phone in one hand and a credit card in the other, he frantically called the number on the screen. They were only too willing to fulfill his overnight shipping request for an extra $40.

You see, Vishal had a vision. His big plan was to recreate Mona, but without the negative points. He fancied himself as a futuristic geneticist who was going to engineer the perfect wife for himself.

When the box arrived the next day, he excitedly ripped apart the packaging. He blew up the doll and stared, as his gaze lingered admiringly at its sexy figure. Mona had started to pack on a few pounds, and this was certainly an upgrade! However, the blonde hair on the rubber doll wasn't going to do it for him. He took her over the sink, and lovingly colored the blonde tresses with a dark shade matching Mona's.

For that matter, Vishal was turning increasingly uncomfortable referring to her as "rubber doll" or as "it". Say what you may, it wasn't very respectful. It was decided that she shall be named – the name chosen was "NiMona". In case you didn't get it (duh!), NiMona was simply short for "New & Improved Mona".

Vishal decided he couldn't have NiMona lying around naked all day. He rummaged through old clothes and unearthed a couple of Mona's outfits that she had deemed too unfashionable to keep. After dressing up NiMona in those clothes, he proceeded to apply Mona's brand of lipstick and perfume on to NiMona. When he was finally done, he couldn't help but stand back and admire his creation. The rubber doll, er, NiMona bore an uncanny resemblance to Mona. She looked like Mona and smelled like Mona, but did not scowl like Mona. Not only did she not scowl, she didn't nag, shout or scream. This truly was a new & improved Mona, reflected Vishal.

Over the next several weeks, NiMona became an integral part of Vishal's life. He couldn't wait to rush home after work and share his day with her. She always had a smile on, and was such an attentive listener - never interrupting and never condescending. Sex became such fun again! NiMona was always in the mood! She never complained of a headache, never had PMS and never complained about his performance - that seemed to last no more than 90 seconds.

Vishal flew to India that summer, so his parents could meet his new bride. As you can imagine, they were dismayed at first. But the skepticism quickly turned to delight when they realized she hadn't even needed an air ticket to travel. Vishal had simply deflated her and packed her into the suitcase. Nothing thrills desis more than the prospect of saving a few bucks! As they said, NiMona was "paisa vasool".

Last we heard, rubber dolls are becoming a fad in India. They are being viewed as a panacea to all the ills of society like a skewed sex ratio between men and women, preference for male child, dowry etc. etc. At last count, the number of rapes had dropped dramatically. Or, it just may be that the rubber dolls are not filing police complaints.